A new mom planning a family vacation without her stepdaughter is being blasted online.
In a post to Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum, user B0711 said her partner has an 8-year-old daughter from a past relationship. The poster gave birth to her first child three months ago and wants to go on a family vacation—without her partner's child.
"We can't afford to take the daughter away as well. It's around an additional £500/£700 (roughly $620 to $870), especially as we'll have to do school holidays," she wrote.
The user doesn't seem to have a problem leaving the girl behind as she explained that she grew up in a stepfamily and said they'd go on vacation all the time without her stepsiblings.
However, the girl's mother has already taken issue with the decision, while the daughter has expressed dismay about being left behind.
"What if we can't afford to take both on holiday in the future? Does that mean my child then can't have a holiday in case of upsetting the other child?" she asked.
"Even though the other child has a well off mother so will be holidaying plenty."
Initially, B0711's partner agreed with the decision but has since "forgotten" the conversation.
"He's now constantly mentioning his daughter in our holiday discussions," she said.
"[He] has told his daughter that we're trying to plan a summer holiday all together so now she is excited. Like WTF?"
She explained that her partner expects to pay for the vacation with her savings, despite her being on maternity leave and having less income than usual.
"It's my money, I want a stress free holiday, and entertaining an 8-year-old who is bored all the time is not my idea of stress free," she said.
In the poll attached to the post, 61 percent of users said the mom was "YABU" ("You are being unreasonable). Although many wanted to know why she was footing the bill for her stepdaughter—and not the girl's father.
'Decisions Must Include This Child'
Navigating activities and vacations can be tough in a blended family, but unequal finances can add further stress to the situation. Nevertheless, that's no excuse for prioritizing one child over another.
Angela Karanja, an adolescent psychologist and founder of Raising Remarkable Teenagers, said it's important that your family budget includes children from both partners.
"As the new partner, remember this kid is a valid member of the family, and decisions must include this child," she told Newsweek.
To ensure one partner's children are not disadvantaged, Karanja recommends that the parents and stepparents work together and designate financial responsibilities.
"Be sure to clearly communicate how finances will be managed and who will be responsible for what," she said.
'Out of Order'
Many commenters slammed the poster for wanting to leave the girl behind.
"I think its evil excluding his daughter," said Densol57.
"[It] will send a clear message that she isn't part of your family," agreed NauseousNancy.
"If you can't afford to take both you don't go," wrote Tinkerbyebye.
"I think the problem lies in you have one child, and think this is your husband's main child. He has two, and they are equal," commented Nevermind31.
However, others were shocked that she was expected to bankroll the vacation, with HeckyPeck calling it "out of order."
"I do agree that you shouldn't be paying for DH and DSD, he needs to save for this," wrote Ktime.
"I would suggest that if he wants her to come, that he pays for her to come, and pays the additional for having to go in school holidays," said SpecialControlGroup.
While raincamepouringdown suggested that B0711 ditch her husband and take the baby on vacation alone.
"Make it clear you're not spending your savings to take his daughter on a term time holiday, end of," she said.
"If he wants to do that, he's free to take her somewhere on his own."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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